There is so much in life that we can’t control. We can’t control the weather, the economy, and we definitely can’t control other people and their actions/reactions.
Oftentimes it can feel like a sh*t pile of negativity is piling up on top of us and it can be a challenge to rise above that and grow. It’s so much easier to take it personally and blame someone else for what’s happening.
But the problem with taking things personally is that you never get out of the trap of ‘why me’ and you stay locked into a victim mentality.
Here’s the thing – and I say this with love – everything isn’t about us.
When we think that everyone is judging us, or everyone is attacking us or everyone is focusing on us and what we’re doing “wrong” – this is all victim mentality. It’s coming from your ego as a way to keep you committed to creating chaos and drama rather than coming from the part of you that wants you to slow down, receive what you need, and grow through the experience.
Here’s the real truth when it comes to taking things personally:
It’s not actually personal at all!
How people respond or react has so much more to do with what they have going on internally vs having anything to do with you.
How we show up outwardly is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves internally.
When you understand this at a deep level, it helps cultivate so much compassion for where the other person is at – and this immediately takes you out of victim mode and into your highest self because you can clearly see that their reaction isn’t about you AT ALL.
A mantra that always helps me remain grounded in my truth, not take things personally, and lead with compassion is: hurt people hurt people. This helps me fall more into compassion for the other person and myself.
And just to be clear – having compassion and understanding for someone’s actions doesn’t mean you have to continue to have a relationship with this person in your life. It’s simply an opportunity for you to not take their reaction personally, grow from the experience, and set healthy boundaries for yourself going forward.
Noticing when you’re taking things personally is an important first step to heal and step out of victim mentality and grow from the experience.
Once you notice that you’re taking something personally, here’s the process that I use to grow.
Step 1: Immediately stop making it about the other person and take personal responsibility for your emotions.
Step 2: Take a deep breath, look within, and ask yourself: “what within me is being triggered by this person or experience?”
This step can be challenging, especially in the moment if you’re super activated. I’m a huge fan of calming essential oils to bring me back to a calm, centered place when I’m triggered in the moment. I really love this one. You can take a deep breath right into the bottle, put a couple drops on the bottoms of your feet, or diffuse it in the room and then look within and ask yourself the question above.
Step 3: Ask yourself: “What am I looking for from this person or experience?”
Step 4: Ask yourself: “What can I learn about myself from this experience?”
Asking yourself these questions will help you take your power back, let go of taking it personally, and grow through the experience by learning about yourself, your needs, and how to take care of yourself in a healthy way when you’re triggered emotionally.
An amazing book that helped me personally step out of victim mentality and stop taking things personally is The Universe Has Your Back by Gabby Bernstein. This book explains so well how the people, experiences, and events in our lives that trigger us are divinely guided ‘assignments’ from the Universe to help us heal from our traumas and grow from them.
If you enjoyed reading this blog, I highly recommend that book to take your learning in this area to a deeper level. It’s an easy read and it will help you connect to your heart and grow in really beautiful ways.
Life is one big magical playground, and when you learn how to stop taking things personally, flowing with life’s inevitable challenges becomes so much easier, and life becomes way more fun.
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For more self-love and inspiring content, you can connect with Randi Halaway on Instagram @randihalaway,
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